Good/Bad

Hello!!! Omg, once again so much has happened since last post. And I would've posted sooner, but I didn't have a computer!! I know, I know. All will be explained:

Ok, omg, where to start. Well, I did make a painting in the end!! For Speed's 21st:


It's called "Open Mike", pretty clever, huh! It's my first painting since, like, ever. It's not really what I wanted but I'm just learning.

I went back to Cardiff and we had fun on Speed's birthday (a sweaty night at Metros!):

Then at the weekend, me and my friends went to London! Omg, sooo bad when we were waiting for our coach to pick us up. A Megabus comes and it's at that point that I realise I have NationalExpress tickets and everyone else has Megabus tickets!!! I was soooo lucky to have a lovely driver who still let me on the bus :-)

The first day in London, we went shopping and saw a gig: Brand New!! They were really good, it was a great night. We got home from the gig, back to our youth hostel which was two floors above a really noisy bar! But it wasn't too loud in our bedroom. It was just really weird that some random girl was sharing our room with us!! How scary for her!!!

The next day in London, we went to the Science museum and watched a 3D movie at the iMax!!! With funny glasses!!

Then we had a meal at Pizza Express and then I got the bus home separately to my friends :-( But it was ok because I met a nice man on the coach. But then it was a bit weird because he asked for my contact details at the end...

The day after, I started work!! It's a really nice office at The Bay (great location!). Casual clothes, music playing, kids from my uni there, it's really nice!

On Tuesday I moved out of my house!!!!!!!! Nooooo!!!!! That was my house for two years! My home!! Speed drove me away from it and I wept. Sure I had ups and downs at that place, but I always loved it there, and I'll never forget it.

The move-out was made even worse because I have to live in halls until I can find a new flat... These halls are the most miserable, depressing, annoying place to live (worse than in my first year!!). I can't wait to get out!! I know no-one there, and I have no computer/TV/radio/friends there :-(


Me and Speed have been looking for flats at The Bay, there are some really nice ones there! So hopefully it'll only be a few weeks until then.

OMG, one last piece of news!!!!!!!!!!! I got my results!! I got a 1:1!! I came second in the year!! I was 1% away from top of the year (SOOO ANNOYING!!) but it doesn't matter because my supervisor emailed me the other day and told me I am still getting funding for my PhD!! So it's official! I am going to do a PhD at Cardiff uni, starting October. In three years time I could be Doctor Coombs!! That would be so fun! Someone might cry "Quick! Is there a doctor on board!?" and I'll be all "hell-to-the-yeah!!"

Wow, sorry about rushing over stuff, I just had so much to tell you! I love you, and I'll speak to you soon.

Education: over

Wow. Over a month since I spoke to you last. It's going to be a long one! Let's get going, shall we:

So much has changed since I last posted! All of my exams are over!! I'll never have another exam again!! My entire education is over! That doesn't seem to be sinking in properly! Anyway, I've been to a few interviews and I managed to get a job in the Bay. I'm starting week-after-next. That's really soon, I know, but everything happened so fast! I know I really wanted to "live" before I started a job.... but I never sorted anything...

I still don't know if I'm doing a PhD. I find out at the end of the month (when I get my results). Either I do that or I could keep working, or find a new job.

I'm back in Bristol now, but I'll be back in Cardiff soon. Speed & I are searching for flats to move into so that's fun. I hope we get somewhere nice! There are so many possibilities now that I've finished uni. I can maybe get a car, maybe live in Cardiff Bay, actually have some free time! I bought some new paints and canvases today. I can't wait to get painting.

We did lots of celebrating after uni! Plenty of barbecues:

And the girls had a house party!

Omg, after the party, my housemate James decided to cook some oven chips. Trouble is he fell asleep while they were in the oven. I was in bed upstairs while, slowly, the house filled with smoke. Not sure why the smoke alarm didn't go off! Luckily Speed & Ali stumble home at 5:30am and woke James up with a "James.... Your chips are done :-)" funny! Here they are:

It was at the Summer Ball I finally felt everything sinking in. I danced in the crowd with all of my friends, watching Feeder play. And I thought to myself how lucky I am. I have finished my degree; I've found a job; I have a brilliant girlfriend, family; I've met some amazing, amazing people; and I've got so much to come!

It's great. My only regret is that I can't seem to enjoy this wonderful situation as much as I should! My brain still feels overworked, exhausted. I'm still de-stressing from it all, but I'll get there.

Lovely Phil and Ria came to visit me on Monday! I can't believe I overslept and missed meeting them at the train station! They had to trek to my house on their own (lucky they found it!), and I woke when I heard the doorbell! Wow, I must be exhausted! We had a great day, though! It's such a shame I haven't seen Natalie since Christmas! I miss her soooo!

Well that's as up-to-date I can bring you in one post. I'll try to keep it more regular now! Goodbye!

p.s. This is what it looks like when a 7 bedroom house forgets to take the rubbish out for 3 weeks in a row: (It looks quite clean/neat here, but I assure you it was horrid!)

WEAK!!!!!!

My final FINAL exams have come!! I had my first one today!! It went ok!!

I AM SO ANNOYED AT MYSELF!!! Ya'll know how much I struggled with my A-level exams? How I got so stressed and anxious that it made me really ill? I had to take some pills to level myself out back then. I was so nervous about coming to uni, back then. I got a bottle of pills to take with me, knowing that I'd need them. BUT I NEVER DID NEED THEM!! That bottle of pills was never opened, I never needed them for any of my exams, presentations, job interviews, meetings, dates. Nothing. ...Until today. Today I was so bad I had to crack them open to level me out. I'm so ashamed! I really thought I could do it...

It's the uncertainty that gets me. Just like at A-level, I have that uncertainty in my life again, where I don't even know what city I'll be living in next year. I don't know what I'll be doing next year. That's scary but exciting. I don't feel stressed about it, I'm excited! But apparently I am stressed, if I need pills.

Hellz, this'll be the last time I'll ever use them... It's just such a shame...

In other news: fun times up-to my exams! Went to a brilliant gig and met the band again:

And I went to Hobday's house and we all did that thing where you fold a piece of paper up and each draw a different body part!!!!!:

Genius!!

I can't wait until my exams are over!! I'm going to buy a car and go for a drive!! I'm going to do things, see people meet people, go a little wild. I'm not so into getting a job right now. Now my education is over I want to live for a bit. Maybe try to regain some creativity. Da Vinci once said that all children are creative; the hardest part it keeping the creativity as you grow older.

It's all coming to an end...

This day last week I handed in my final year project report!!! Can you believe it!? Here's a picture:


Isn't she beautiful! Over 15K words (main body) and 150 pages (40 pages of code!!).

It's all coming to an end, blog! I'll never have another piece of coursework to do EVER! I have very few lectures left and they're all for revision. I've got my exam timetable and I don't have any 9am exams... EVER AGAIN!!! Sometimes, when I'm lying in bed, I smile about these things :-)

But there's no time for me to get all hung-up about how cool this is. My first exam is in a week and a half. I have 4 exams crammed together, then my 5th exam is two weeks later, so I'm free forever on June 1st :-)

I've had such little time to revise! Nothing at all! So now I spend every day in my bedroom revising until bed-time. Hey, it's only for another few weeks, I suppose. I've got my stupid geek-itch that I always get when I revise, I can't wait until my exams are over then I can re-build my PC and finally play my computer game that I got for Christmas (GTA4)!!

I had an interview on Monday. It went well! They liked me and told me to let them know if I'm still interested after I find out if I'm doing a PhD or not.

I got my hair cut (for the interview) and when Lucy saw it she said "Did you get it cut for free?"!!! Ohhh, ouch, Lucy!! That really hurt! Lol, only joking :-) It is a terrible hair-cut, though!!

I was out for drinks with Lucy the other night and when I ordered drinks the bar-maid asked me where I was from... So I turned around and showed her our table.... Then I realised what she meant (she recognised my Bristol accent)!! I'm so simple, it's ridiculous! We had a good laugh, though!

Back in the Easter break at home, I heard someone use the bathroom and NOT WASH THEIR HANDS AFTERWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! So when they came out I shouted "You didn't wash your hands!!" (thinking it was my dad, or something). Turns out it was actually my sister's boyfriend! Oh, the embarrassment!! Emma said he did hear me... But apparently he always washes his hands now! Win!!!

Even though I don't have any time to enjoy it, I still love being back in Cardiff. I love Cardiff University! Even when I'm super stressed-out, when I have waayyyheyyy too much work, I still love it. I never want to leave.

Easter Round-up!

Oh, my poor, poor blog! It's been weeks!! I'm so sorry I haven't spoken to you, even on a certain someone's birthday earlier this month ;-) You're beautiful. Really.

I'm sorry it's been so long, but I have been working flat-out on my dissertation. It's taken me ages! It has to be in next week, and guess what! I finally finished it today!!!!! 15,000 words (plus appendices, totalling 150 pages) omg, so much. I'm so happy. But it's just as well, I have three weeks 'till my final exams start, I'm two weeks short of revision!! It's going to be intense!

So, what have I been up to!? Wow, where do I begin? Seriously! Ok, I remember:

I saw my friend Phil and we played some ball in Blaise woods, then he drove me to The Mall and made me buy a pair of shoes. It was so embarrassing when he asked some random stranger his opinion on my shoes!! Ahh, gotta love Phil.

Lucy came to visit me on her way back home last week! We went to The Mall (again!) and we shopped, and ate, and shopped, it was fun! And I met her mother, she was nice :-)

The evening before Easter day me, my sister Emma and her boyfriend went to my sister Rachel & Joe's house (plus Joe's sister & her boyfriend). It was fun, we had a BBQ out in the sun, then we talked and played games, then we had a big game of poker! Then we watched telly then we all went to bed there. In the morning, Joe got up early and made an Easter egg hunt for us!! After that we all drew faces on an egg and we boiled them and had egg & soildiers! Yum!

But I had to rush home because I promised my cousin Sarah I'd meet her for a drink! Let's go, it's been a year since I've seen her! We sat out in the lovely sun and talked and talked! It was great to see her again, but I couldn't stay too long because family were coming over for Easter Sunday dinner! We all ate loads, and played games and told jokes and had a bet on who would fall-asleep first when Grandpa wouldn't stop talking! Literally, people we nodding off!

I think my mum managed to top her most boring / useless / pointless game ever! It was a card game and I think she had forgotten the rules a bit. It was laughable! For desert, dad put really old whisky on a Christmas pudding and it almost exploded! Wow! We all sang "It's jolly old Christmas" as usual, only this time it was "Jolly old Easter"! ...ohhh, mum!

Tuesday just gone, my cousins Tom & Laura came to visit us for two nights. Us kids went to the pub for a meal, the next day we spent at my aunty's house, with food, games, pin-the-tail-on-the-easter-bunny, etc. Oh, what fun! I'll be sad to go back to Cardiff! But I must. I must lock myself in my bedroom and read until I can't read any more!

Right, I'm still happy about finishing my dissertation so I'm going to treat myself to an episode of Desperate Housewives (love that show!). Goodbye!!

U.G.L.Y

I don't know if other people did this as a kid, but some years ago I made a collection of all of the most hideous photos of myself. I was a very ugly kid, college was the worst. I wasn't proud of my ugliness, but I'm glad I could see the funny side of it. God's little joke, if you will.

Anyway, without further ado, let's see some of the photos!! Cover your eyes!!

Uhh, I think that one was back in senior school. But I was actually meant to look ugly that day. I was dressed up for red nose day in just my pyjamas and bed-head hair. Raising money for charity with my retched ugliness! Looks like I was the only child-in-need that day! Boom-boom!

I went for the whole long-hair thing at college. Who knows why! Must've been the fashion back then! It wasn't pretty.

The next one has to be my favourite, though. I was chopping onions with goggles to stop me crying:

Beautiful!

Ahh, I'm pleased to say that I don't feel that ugly anymore!

Omg, so yesterday I went to the comedy club with Lucy. We sit away from the front so that we don't get picked on. But this week turns out to be the first week they have wireless microphones! The host made sure that no-one at the front got picked on, he would walk to the back to pick on them! So guess who he picks on!! Me! I'm trying to avoid eye-contact as he walks past me and he notices... He starts joking about it, but check this out: he asks me what subject I study and I say "computer science" and everyone starts laughing!! What the heck!? Either computer science has a really bad reputation or I should become a comedian!

Speak to you soon!!

Sun

Firstly, can I just say how sorry I am for being so whiny in my last few posts. I never realise quite how stupid I sound until I read them back to myself. I'm happy really, see :-) Plus today has been a great day! Very productive! It makes me feel so much more relaxed and chilled out, just like I used to. Just like I will after uni.

Ahh, the sun is coming out! It was out all of last week and it makes me so much happier :-) Even my music taste changes depending on the weather! I'm so glad I've chilled out lately and that the stressful patch was only temporary. I went to see a band the other day and one of the support bands took me to another place! They were so floaty and dreamy, I'm so glad I found them! Plus, I've finished the last piece of coursework that I'll EVER have to do in my life!! Just my dissertation and some revision to go before it's all over! But I don't want it to be over! I love Cardiff University! Even when I'm super-stressed or have waaaay too much work, I love it! I do!

Life's really great at the moment! I can walk through the parks in the sun again, I have a brilliant pseudo-girlfriend, I have brilliant friends and I'm looking forward to the excitement of finishing uni!

So the other day Speed went on a night out to a club. The next day I'm wondering where he is. I kept going to visit him but his door was locked. I got to 13:00 and got worried. I text his friend and tried phoning him but there was no answer. So May and I start hammering on his bedroom door and finally he wakes up! But he wouldn't let us in his bedroom! Bit-by-bit he started describing his face and it sounded like he had been in a fight! We finally convinced him to open the door and when he did he looked terrible! Blood between his eyes, two chipped teeth, grazes everywhere and the fattest lip you've ever seen! What happened! He didn't really remember, but he remembers lying in a gutter and an ambulance picking him up and dropping him home. He must've fallen over and hit the pavement! What a mess, I'm so glad I don't get drunk like that!

My little sister should really think twice before talking about her sex life in those Facebook 25 question posts...

Do you think we are really free to choose religion? If I wanted to be religious (for benefits such as entry to heaven, a great social community and apparently religious people live longer) then I still don't think I could do it because I don't believe in God. Even if I wanted to believe in him, I still don't, so surely I could never become religious. Maybe you can't choose religion. Maybe religion chooses you...

Scapegoat

Isn't socialising strange! Blog, you know how in a person–person relationship there is one dominating character and one submissive character? Well I'm usually the submissive one. It's ok, though, I kind-of like it. I feel more comfortable if the other person thinks they have a bit of power. I suppose it makes them more comfortable to be around me. Sometimes it sucks, though! Check this out:

In my house, most of my housemates are socially dominant to me. Which is usually fine! But it has it's problems, such as me being the scapegoat. If something goes wrong I'll get the blame for it. Usually in a funny / non-serious way. For example, our toilet seat broke the other day so people start blaming me for it even though they really don't have a clue. Then they start making-up scenarios of how I did it, and some people probably start truly believing that I did it as the rumor spreads! That's not so fun. But sometimes some people get a bit too high on their power-trip and they get nasty with me. Things start kicking off, and I'm never nasty back, but I become extremely annoying! It's my way of dealing with it, unfortunately. Instead of getting violent back, I end up annoying them so much (in a passive way so that nothing gets physical) that they'll storm off and sulk.

Oh, curse my terrible talent for annoying people!

When I am best friends with someone, I usually annoy them so much after two years of knowing them that we are no longer friends (except some AMAZING best friends! Like Natalie! She's sent from Heaven and we annoy each-other sooo much but we still love each-other). I was explaining this to Speed last year and how, unfortunately, we probably won't be friends for much longer. He told me "don't worry, you'll never get rid of me!" But I think we're getting pretty close to the stage now. He's meeting new friends, you know! Soon he'll leave me and forget all about me.

Did I ever tell you that Speed and I were going to visit my eFriend in America this summer? We got free flights, free accommodation, I was sooo infinitely excited to go!! ...but now Speed has pulled out. Wow! You really can't rely on anyone else to do things in life! I suppose I've only got myself to blame, though. He won't tell me what the reason is but I can imagine that he can't stand me anymore.

Why am I still so hideously annoying! I really felt like I have grown out of it, lately. But I probably haven't... My older sister used to give me 2 pence a day if I didn't annoy her. She hated me SOO MUCH. She would tell me how she will NEVER forgive me, even when we're adults and living on our own. We get along fine now, though. Now that I don't see her very much. I suppose what Hobday said to me is true: I'm only good in moderation. Truly.

....Ahh, I'm going to curl-up and die a little now, blog. I knew you'd understand. Speak to you soon! xx

My 21st Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!! Can you believe it!?! I'm 21 now!!! That's strange! As usual, I had lots of fun for my birthday and I want you to know all about it so get comfy!

It all started last weekend, actually. I went home to see my family and they took me out for an Indian meal. And I got to open my presents!! I got lots of really nice presents, including an original abstract painting, which looks beautiful! I wish I had taken a photo of it, but I left it at home in case I broke it!

I also saw my brother Phil and we went out for a meal (I had two Sunday roasts for the second Sunday in a row!!). Plus we walked through the woods!—My favourite.

Anyway, after the weekend everyone kinda forgot about my birthday until Wednesday—my actual BIRTHDAY! I had the whole day off but I didn't know what to do. I wanted to go to a theme park or something but they were all closed. So... I know it's really sad... but I went for a walk around the museum :-D But in the evening I went for a meal with my housemates, then I went to the union bar to see all my friends:

Wow! I cannot believe how many of my friends came to help me celebrate! I have the nicest, most beautiful friends ever!

After the bar we went to Welsh Clwb and guess who made a surprise appearance! Phil from Bristol!! My hero :-)

Heheh, I was so excited to see him I dressed him up the next day!

Anyway, where were we... Welsh Clwb!! I met even more friends there and we all had a great night:

I'm so grateful for my wonderful friends. They make me feel so special and loved! Their gifts, cards, texts and wall-posts are beautiful. I am such a happy 21-year-old.

Meh! Cocktail party last night and a wine & cheese party tonight! Talk to you soon!

Is it worth it?

Now I'm in my last semester it's like I've gone from 10 to 90mph. Coursework, lots of lectures, lots to read, job applications, etc, etc. Plus loads of social events. And social events are definitely as important as work, probably more important.

I managed to dig up a cartoon I saw ages ago:

Could you get any truer? Look at that happy little dude gliding down the street! Not a care in the world! It's like he's never been stressed. It's like he's so much happier than the other dude rattling through the traffic. How is the successful guy more successful? Qualifications? Money? We all know happiness is more important ten-fold.

Sure, I feel like I'm gaining a lot at university. A qualification. Meeting nice people. But I think I'm loosing a lot, too. It's stressing me out. Not in the typical throwing-stuff-around and swearing way, but in more subtle ways. It's like I'm being stretched in lots of different directions. I feel like I'm becoming more shy and nervous just as I was begining to feel confident. I've got way more self-ridicule and regret for things I say or do. I think my face looks more confused and serious when I'm walking down the street or just relaxing. I feel like my creativity is being robbed from me... And lord knows it's kicking my anxiety off, a treat!

Anxiety sucks!

I feel just like I did back at A-level exams. I've got that weird uncertainty in my life once again. I don't have a clue what I'm going to be doing in a few months time. I don't even know where I'll be living. I used to worry and worry about stupid things! Any thing! Until it made me physically sick. Ever since I was a kid I'd worry. I get that sick feeling in my stomach and get all panicy. It's such a weight! I got some pills for it at A-level, and I'm so embarrassed to say I've been thinking about taking them again.

Meals out are the worst. Especially lately. As soon as the food gets put in front of me I panic and I can't talk too easy and I can't eat. I leave more than half of my food, it's so embarrassing! It happened just the other day at Speed's parent's house; I felt so rude!

Can I just say that I never get depressed. I know anxiety and depression are linked but I never feel blue. I'm one of those guys that thinks "if you're going to be depressed, you will be depressed". I.e. even if you live a totally happy life, you'll still find something to be depressed about if you have depression "in your blood". I think it's the same for anxiety! Hellz, I might be getting stressed out about my degree, but probably if I wasn't doing a degree I would find something else to stress about. So don't let me put you off doing a degree! I don't even know what I'm complaining about, it's not like I had to fight in a war or anything.

The board-game night was delightful, thanks for asking! And don't worry about me, blog. I'm fine! This is just a little hill I'm almost over. Then I'm back to rolling along on my merry-way with my head in the clouds!