Is it worth it?

Now I'm in my last semester it's like I've gone from 10 to 90mph. Coursework, lots of lectures, lots to read, job applications, etc, etc. Plus loads of social events. And social events are definitely as important as work, probably more important.

I managed to dig up a cartoon I saw ages ago:

Could you get any truer? Look at that happy little dude gliding down the street! Not a care in the world! It's like he's never been stressed. It's like he's so much happier than the other dude rattling through the traffic. How is the successful guy more successful? Qualifications? Money? We all know happiness is more important ten-fold.

Sure, I feel like I'm gaining a lot at university. A qualification. Meeting nice people. But I think I'm loosing a lot, too. It's stressing me out. Not in the typical throwing-stuff-around and swearing way, but in more subtle ways. It's like I'm being stretched in lots of different directions. I feel like I'm becoming more shy and nervous just as I was begining to feel confident. I've got way more self-ridicule and regret for things I say or do. I think my face looks more confused and serious when I'm walking down the street or just relaxing. I feel like my creativity is being robbed from me... And lord knows it's kicking my anxiety off, a treat!

Anxiety sucks!

I feel just like I did back at A-level exams. I've got that weird uncertainty in my life once again. I don't have a clue what I'm going to be doing in a few months time. I don't even know where I'll be living. I used to worry and worry about stupid things! Any thing! Until it made me physically sick. Ever since I was a kid I'd worry. I get that sick feeling in my stomach and get all panicy. It's such a weight! I got some pills for it at A-level, and I'm so embarrassed to say I've been thinking about taking them again.

Meals out are the worst. Especially lately. As soon as the food gets put in front of me I panic and I can't talk too easy and I can't eat. I leave more than half of my food, it's so embarrassing! It happened just the other day at Speed's parent's house; I felt so rude!

Can I just say that I never get depressed. I know anxiety and depression are linked but I never feel blue. I'm one of those guys that thinks "if you're going to be depressed, you will be depressed". I.e. even if you live a totally happy life, you'll still find something to be depressed about if you have depression "in your blood". I think it's the same for anxiety! Hellz, I might be getting stressed out about my degree, but probably if I wasn't doing a degree I would find something else to stress about. So don't let me put you off doing a degree! I don't even know what I'm complaining about, it's not like I had to fight in a war or anything.

The board-game night was delightful, thanks for asking! And don't worry about me, blog. I'm fine! This is just a little hill I'm almost over. Then I'm back to rolling along on my merry-way with my head in the clouds!