Romantic evening of self

Actually, to start off with I'd like to start with a downer. Sorry about that...

As much as I try not to watch the news, sometimes I hear about things that I wish I hadn't. On Saturday I found out that a terrorist had been living only a five minute drive away from my Bristol home. He was arrested Friday night and 30 people were evacuated from their homes while controlled explosions were carried out at 2am. The terrorist was a male British Muslim who was younger than me, only 19; that's pretty upsetting. We don't know where he was going to target but it could well have been The Mall, it's huge and loads of people come to Bristol to go there. Also my mum and sister work there.

So part of me is... yes, terrified, but the other part remembers what my mum used to tell me when I was a worrying kid. She'd tell me that if I spent my life worrying I wouldn't live at all.

A year or so ago I would've got really angry at this and start blaming religion etc. But now I really regret how small-minded I was about religion. If there was no religion this guy would still be hurting people, he'd just think of some other sick reason for it. I'm really starting to understand why people need religion and the passion they feel for it. So of course I respect that (as long as it doesn't hurt other people or their selves). But really I still have the same beliefs that I have had all my life: I just don't know. And how could anyone? Obviously there are no certainties, so if I chose a religion to follow, it would feel like I am suffocating my imagination and wonder of life and everything that there is to ponder. For me, it would take away the magic and excitement out of a lot of my feelings and doings. The same goes for strong atheist beliefs too. I'm always going to keep the curiosity and awe. And make up stories in my head about the meaning of life, just like I used to as a child.

Sometimes I feel so systematic with all my stupid systems of day-to-day life. I feel like Monica from Friends! So check this out, last night I thought I'd do bed time a bit differently, and here's what happened:

After failing arranging a night at the union night-club (Solus), I decided that I would still go along on my own to get a glass of water and then come back home to bed. What sort of stupid idea is that? But it's free entry on a Monday and I do want to spend more time in the union considering it's just down my road. So 10:30 comes and I'm really starting to think that this is a stupid idea. But now that I had suggested it I didn't want to go back on my word, otherwise I'd be left wondering what could have happened. Of course, I didn't realise it would probably just be a load of drunk students and me being a lemon.

Anyway, I still did it. I went in to the club, marched up to the bar and said "Water. Pint." (but obviously in a more polite manner like "Ex.. excuss me? Sorry to inconvinience you, [...]". I walked into the main room and lent against the railings watching the dance floor. Turns out this night was totally different to the average night at Solus. There were no drunken students flooding the dance floor, instead there were a team of break-dancers doing all this crazy shizn. I was really impressed by these guys! I've never thought anything of break-dancing, but watching them perform was really impressive.

Next thing, a hip-hop artist and his sister appear on stage and perform. Again, I was surprisingly impressed! The artist stayed on to do an a cappella song about the beauty of words. This one blew me away! I couldn't believe the rhythm and the speed at which he performed!

The funny thing is I would never have gone to a hip-hop night if I had known about it. I wouldn't fit in, everyone would be gangsters, I wouldn't be welcome, I wouldn't enjoy the music or dance. But I found the complete opposite! Everyone was nice! Everyone had a lot of passion for what they did and they did it for the passion, not to just show off and act like an ass. I can't believe I really enjoyed the performances and saw the true art and meaning behind them that I was always so blind to. I could relate to it way more now.

I tried to find the hip-hop artist before I left to thank him, but he was gone. I'm totally pleased I went, though! My impulses kick ass! I thought I'd be there for like two minutes but ended up being there for an hour. And I saw Phoebe there, too! I've totally learnt not to be so closed minded. First test: open-mic night tonight!

So next time you go to drink a glass of water, just stop and think if there is anywhere better you could do it.