Amsterdam

Hi blog! How are you?

I am fine! This time last week, I was in Amsterdam with my buddies Speed, May and Jimmy. Let me tell you all about it...

It was so cool. We stayed the night at May's before because we got the plane from Luton airport. When we arrived at Amsterdam we had a few drinks before we went to find out hotel.

That's right, it was a 5 star Marriott!! We checked-in at 3pm, had a look around, then slept until 6pm!! Well, I only slept for an hour, after that I had a long soak in the Marriott bath tub! We were so tired after our 6am start!

When we finally woke, we went out for food and drink. I was so hungry and so in need of some beef. So imagine my horror when my lasagna arrived, only for me to realise it was vegetarian!! The boys had to rush me to McDonalds at the end of the night for some beef!!

Wow. I forgot how seedy Saturday was until I started writing this... Not very proud, but it was very fun!! We kicked things off with a visit to the sex museum! A bit of an eye-opener. Here's James on a giant penis:

The rest of the day is kind-of a blur; we spent a lot of time in a coffee shop, if you know what I mean (more in next post). The evening was very wild; we spent it in the Red Light District area. We got stoopid, went to many (hideous) sex shops, saw the prostitutes, then went to a sex show! Yep, people were having sex right in-front of us on stage. Terrible sex, mind. It was more of a strange dance than sex.

Sunday was slightly more respectable. We went to the Anne Frank museum (after queueing for hours!):

Then we went to the Heineken brewery:

Monday was our last day and we hired bikes for a cycle through the park!

And we came across a climbing frame!

And we did lots of other stuff in-between. We packed loads into those four days! It was so much fun, and I want to go again. I was happy to be with my friends because we all got along really well and everyone was happy!

My Friend Speed

My Friend Speed, by Richard Coombs.

My friend Speed is always fun to be around.

He has a big happy smile and is as tall as a cloud.

My friend Speed is from Wales and talks funny.

No-one can play the guitar and piano as good as my friend Speed.

My friend Speed has a silly dog called Maggie.

Whenever I'm upset, I talk to my friend Speed and he cheers me up.

This is why my friend speed is one of my best friends in the whole wide world.

Funeral

Even on the morning of my Grandpa's funeral, I was still surprised at how well I was coping. Unlike other bereavements in the family, Grandpa died old, his suffering was short-lived and he left no widow. The day of the funeral was bright and blue. We were at Grandpa's house, excited to meet all of the family in the sun and in our Sunday's best.

...Then that wooden box came rolling up the road. It could have been empty, at first glance. But I soon noticed the shadow it had cast, and I quickly realised that the wooden box was much heavier than empty. My Grandpa is right behind those wooden panels! I felt as if I had just realised he isn't coming back. Like I had to see it to believe it.

We drove straight to the cemetery. The colours of our Sunday's best appeared much deeper, now. I was choked by my own collar and tie. For me, the hardest part was leaving after the service. I watched my Grandpa's four daughters say their ultimate goodbyes to him. Bow in respect or blow a kiss. I couldn't begin to imagine a suitably sufficient way to say goodbye as I turned to leave him for the last time.

Four daughters, seven grand-children and beyond, all exist because of him. Because he met his to-be wife on a train all those years ago. That simple flap of a butterfly's wings. An essential stepping-stone to my golden ticket to this world; my life; my everything. But, anyway, this isn't about me. This is about my Grandpa. Rest in peace.

Skiing Holiday... 2!

Remember my first skiing holiday? Well I went back for more!! Not to the same place, but somewhere close! ...And not with the same people, but still nice people!

It all happened three weeks ago. Me, Matt (other PhD), Jon (other PhD), Jon's girlfriend (Rebecca) and Matt's mate (Gary) went to Les Arcs in France. We took the Eurostar train, it was soo much better than my 30 hour coach journey I did last time. We even got given blankets and a blow-up pillow to sleep with!

We started skiing pretty much as soon as we got to the resort! I remembered how to just fine (like riding a bike!). Unlike everyone else, me & Gary opted to not get lessons each morning, so we just went off together and did our own thing. He was such a nice guy! I spent a lot of time with him sat on slow ski-lifts, and we would sing Panic At The Disco (even on the slopes!). Here we are together:

Skiing was great! We all got along really well, and us boys were all a similar level. We went down some pretty scary slopes! I fell over a few times, especially this one time when I hit a rock! Luckily, we caught it all on video because we took a helmet-camera with us!!:

What are the odds!

Skiing from the top of the mountain was amazing! I did it twice, the second time it was so misty it was like wearing a blind-fold! We had to wait for people to go past just to see which direction we needed to go! First time I went up there (with just Gary) I remember being quite scared because there were lots of signs saying "danger of death" and huge cliff edges and even stretchers there for broken bodies!! But I skied it anyway!!

For the last two days, I tried snowboarding. It was pretty fun at first, but then the pain got worse and worse and it just wasn't worth it. The more you fell over, the more you would hurt so the slower you would go; but the slower you went the harder it was to balance so the more you fell over! A real vicious-circle!

Omg, there was this one time when I was at the top of a slope with my snowboard and I took my feet out of it so I could walk down the steep bit. As soon as I unstrapped my feet, BOOM! The snowboard slipped away from me and was gaining speed very rapidly as it raced down the busy slope! I was so embarrassed, it was so dangerous! I ran after it but I had no chance of catching it. Everyone on the ski-lift above me were gasping and pointing at me! Several people tried to stop it (one person fell-over badly trying!). It was out of my sight and I thought I had lost it when I caught-up with Jon who had somehow managed to save it! (Apparently, everyone on the ski-lift cheered when that happened!). I could've almost died of embarrassment! I just hid my face behind my ski gear and goggles!

We met some crazy Dutch people while we were there. We had a great night out watching a live band (Moustache!) in a bar. I sang so much the bassist even pointed at me (in a good way, I think...)! Then we went to a club, etc. So much fun!

In closing, I think the skiing holiday was great fun. I'm glad I went with these guys because I got to know them well and they were all really nice! Hopefully, one day, I can go again!

My 23rd Birthday...!

My 23rd birthday was nice, thanks, Blog. Even though it was a month ago, I look back with fond memories! I was actually at my parent's house in Bristol for it. Mainly because I had to go to a "red-light workshop"...

...Yes, omg, that's right, I had to go on a course to learn what a red traffic light means. Turns out it means stop. I had to go because I was 1.2 seconds late going through a red traffic light. I'm so ashamed! I couldn't make my mind up whether to brake or accelerate! So I hesitated, slowed down, and went through late... I only I had just made my mind up! Anyway, no harm done, and I feel like I learned a lot at the workshop. Everyone else seemed to really like it, too!!

My actual birthday was a little boring because my parents were at work so I was hope alone. But I saw Phil and we had lots of fun times. And he got me this!!:

In the evening, I had a nice meal at Rach & Joe's house with my parents and them.

Next day, I was back in Cardiff... And so was May and Speed and Gevans! They came down to visit me on my birthday! We had a meal and then met with others for a night at Welsh Clwb!!

The day after, me & Lucy went skiing on the dry ski slope in preparation for my skiing holiday! (see my next post!!). Lucy had to pretend that she had done skiing before for our class, but the first time she went down the slope, she made it pretty clear that she had never experienced anything like it before! Hah, oh well!

Meditation, Old People and A Funny

At my uni, we have a "quiet room". It's a place where people of all faiths can take some time out to pray, meditate, contemplate, etc. It was invented because Muslims have to pray so often every day and they had no place to do it. I even used to see them on their knees in the corridors before we got the quiet room! I often use it for meditation at the end of a day at work. A couple of weeks before Christmas, I was alone in there, meditating, when I hear someone walk in, then stop. I had my eyes closed so I couldn't see him, but I heard him tap on the lockers by the door. I ignored it. Then he said "excuse me", so I had no choice but to break meditation, open my eyes and look at him, frustrated.

He was a big chap, middle-Eastern looking. He told me that I was not allowed to be in there because I am not a Muslim. He told me the room is only for Muslims to pray in and that I had to leave. He said it in quite a harsh tone, with some fire in his eyes. I think he expected me to get angry, but I stayed calm and explained to him that the room was for everyone, etc. He insisted that it wasn't. He told me that I especially wasn't allowed in there with shoes on because "we like to keep our homes clean, unlike most people..."(!)

I looked around for the sign saying it's for everyone, but it had conveniently disappeared. I had no choice but to leave! Before I was even out the door he started chanting his Muslim tongues. I thought it was meant to be a quiet room! I emailed my head of school and they will soon introduce a booking system for the room. So I guess there goes the idea of all religions and faiths using it together.

Onto a better note! The other night I had a breakthrough! Let me explain. I know it's stupid at my age, but I've always been fearful of growing old and lonely. What if I don't marry? What if my partner dies before me? What if I have no children and all of my friends die before me? Well, I discovered care homes / old peoples homes! Sure, I knew about them before, but I never even considered them because of the way people always talk about how they never want to go to one. But I've realised that they would be great! With/without a partner, I could sell my lonely house to afford the poshest care home money could buy! In there would be an endless pile of new friends in the same situation, with a lifetime of stories. No more cooking/cleaning, just relaxing! It'd be like student halls again! I remember visiting a care home on a school trip, and I remember it being very laid back and cheery. So, this is a big worry I can clear from my head :-)

Onto a hilarious note!! Last night, there was a knock at the door. Lucy popped back down the stairs to answer it. The blonde girl asked Lucy if Chris lived here, Lucy said yes and pointed her to his bedroom. The blonde girl skips into Chris' room with a happy "hello!" before realising that it wasn't the right Chris!! She stops and asks "is your name Chris?" and she realises she found the right name but in the wrong house!! Embarrassed, she lets herself out while me and Lucy are falling about upstairs! It made my entire week!! Poor girl!!

Finally, let's brighten this post up with a photograph of my family playing the snowball game over Christmas (as usual!):

2010 Roundup!

Oh, boy. I felt that I hadn't really done much this year, but, as usual, it all starts to come back to me when I make a roundup post! Let's take a peep:

2010 Travel Map:

	Aberystwyth: Helped Emma move into her new student house.
	Bristol/Cardiff: home(s)—moved student house (yet again) to City Road.
	Holiday: Family holiday in Centre Parcs Longleat and the incredible holiday with Lucy in France! I'm still amazed at how great it was!
	Southampton/Wrexham/Swansea: Visiting Lucy on placement / at her parents' house.
	Chester: Visited Speed's new home and went to Chester Zoo (I also went to Bristol Zoo!)
	London: Lucy and I went to London to see Portugal. The Man live.
	Theme Parks: I went to Alton Towers and Drayton Manor!

Gigs/Shows:

Not many, but they were brilliant!

• Circa Survive cheered me up on my last night in Galleon Way.
• Portugal. The Man in London, a great weekend.
• I Am Arrows blew me away, and did I mention the support band almost had me in tears!? Incredible!
• Some great comedy nights.
• Dancing on Ice with my sister, etc. 

So! Did I complete my aims that I set last year? ...I knew this would come back to haunt me! Well, I suppose I kinda did... I got into a band, but we are terrible and will never gig. I was getting back into meditation but someone stopped me! (I'll tell you about this soon!). I didn't get out of Europe, but my France holiday was perfect. I still need to get back into Lucid dreaming. I did do some painting! I discovered how great watercolours are. Here's one I made for Lucy for Christmas:

So yeah, I sort of managed my aims. I won't make any for next year, though. I'll see where the wind takes me!

It's been a good year, not the best, but pretty damn cool! Come the end of it I started to feel quite jaded about "the real world", how everyone has to work, work, work, work, work. But I feel more comfortable about it, now. Like I've submitted and given up on the struggle for "freedom"... Wow, sorry to put a downer on my 2010 roundup! I'm happy, by the way!

2011! I hope I flow with the river more, and not try to struggle upstream. And I hope I appreciate and fulfil every last drop of free time that I have. Sorry to get all metaphorical on you, blog! I have lots to tell you, we much catch up very soon!! :-)

I'm afraid we have some bad news

"I'm afraid we have some bad news."

I'm wasn't expecting any bad news, but when I read this in an email from my mum, it hit me hard. I could feel my eyes widen and a shot of adrenaline straighten my spine. I guessed the severity of the news before reading another word. It's funny how you can sense how bad it is just by reading text. No facial expressions or tone of voice to judge. Maybe my mind had already subconsciously read the rest of the paragraph to prepare myself...

But I wasn't prepared. My mum told me that Grandpa had 8-18 months left to live. All the work he did with asbestos finally caught up with him, and he has developed inoperable cancer in the wall of his lung.

I guess I didn't really learn much, today. My Grandpa has lived to a ripe old age (80+), and, as we all know, people die when they get old. If he didn't die of the cancer, he'd die of something else eventually. In fact, he could die of something totally unrelated during the 8-18th months. All I learned is that Grandpa has a maximum of 18 months left to live.

I couldn't really concentrate for the rest of the day. I took a nice long stroll in my favourite thinking park (Bute Park) and tried to work out why I was so upset about this. I don't think I should be upset about him dying, I mean, everyone does it and something really good might happen to him after life. And I shouldn't feel upset as one of the people he's leaving behind because we will carry on fine without him. I think the worst part is saying goodbye.

I cannot even begin to think of a way to say goodbye. How could I ever get across my love and respect, and how much I'll miss him? I went to buy a card for him, that was hard enough. I saw things like:

"Get well soon!" --- not going to happen...
"With sympathy" --- so miserable!
"Goodbye, sorry you have to go!" --- for people getting a new job, I know, but it broke my heart. I felt myself welling up in the store.

It really scares me. Having such a finite time left. I think that I would be in a desperate panic for the duration. What did I always want to do? Who must I express my love for? What lose ends must I finish before I can hang up my coat?

It's been playing on my mind, hard. I see things so insignificant that I usually take for granted, then I imagine if I were in Grandpa's shoes how everything would be so sacred and precious. Every tiny scrap of life. I can feel myself clinging onto them with my fingernails as I'm being pulled under. People always tell you that you should love life. But I think if you love life too much, you may suffer from a horrifying fear of death.

But deep down, I'm sure he's in a settled state and I'm sure he's ready as one can be. And he's free now to look at all of those sacred scraps of life and smile and let go.

And, as for saying goodbye... I hope he knows how much I love him and how much I'll always miss him.

Relax!

'Sup, blog!

Firstly, I moved house! Speed left me to work in Chester so I had to move out of our lovely flat! It hit me pretty hard. On our last night there we went to see Circa Survive play, which was incredible as usual!

That's me & Speed at the front!!

The move was stressful, but I'm all settled-in, now. Here's my bedroom: it's really big and it looks nicer in real life!!!

I live with a man called Gecko, Greg and 'Tatoes (and soon Mark). Lucy came to stay with me a few times in my new place. We went out for an evening walk one night and stumbled upon a fair/carnival all through the streets! Cool! And the other night I made the most amazing pasta, chicken & spinach bake for us from scratch!! Soo nice. I like cooking. A few weekends ago I went home to Bristol and cooked a delicious spaghetti and spicy meatballs for Phil and Ria. So much fun!

It's so sad that Speed has moved away... I went to visit him (with Lucy because I was actually visiting her at her placement in Wrexham). The three of us had a great day in Chester at the zoo! And a butterfly landed on me!!

Yep, it sure is going to be strange without Speed around for a while... And guess what? Lucy went to Ghana on Saturday! She's going to be there for 5 weeks doing a medical placement. I'm not going to see her for 6 weeks! I miss my buddies!!

What other crazy stuff have I been up to? Hmm.. Well, I went out with Lucy's friends to the beach to have a BBQ. Check my hair out, I got it cut pretty soon after this picture (a new style, finally, but I like it!):

Three years ago when I was social sec. for the Art Society, I spoke to an Italian exchange girl a few times. Not a lot, just a few words. Well, the other day, she emailed me and told me she's back in Cardiff for a week with her friend and would I like to meet up! I said yes, and the three of us went for few drinks! Very strange as I hardly know her and could barely understand her! Still fun, though!!

At the start of this month, me and Lucy went to London to see Portugal. The Man in concert!!! They were so incredible! It would've been such a personal gig if they had paid more attention to the audience. We did lots of fun stuff in London, too!

I also spent a weekend in Southampton visiting Lucy's parents. We did fun stuff like go-karting:

I felt terribly travel-sick afterwards (and a bit stressed) and later threw up my lunch. Then in the evening, we went to a posh dinner party. The food wasn't very nice, and I popped off to the toilet during desert to throw it all up again. Why is it that other people cry/swear/shout when they're stressed but I just vomit!? So unfortunate! Don't think anyone noticed, though, and it was still really fun.

I think that covers all the interesting stuff! Talk to you next month!!

8 Days of Fun

Blog, let me tell you: so much stuff has happened lately!! Omg, where to start... Ok, I think I know:

Let me take you back to a sunny June 11th. The sky was glowing, the seagulls were... making that really annoying noise they always make... and it was a beautiful day! They day of the Summer Ball, no less!! I'll spare the details as it was pretty much the same as the last two I've been too (super!), but here's a pic!:

These are the dudes I spent the ball with (friends of friends) and they were all really nice!

May came down the following Monday. Hah! What a night! May, Speed and I hit the tiles and ended up bringing two ladies back to our flat! No, not like that! We got back at about 4:30am, then Speed and I serenaded them both with our instruments. —our guitars... we played them songs. And they loved them! They told me I shouldn't go anywhere without my tambourine, from now on. They were so much fun! We didn't exchange any contact details, but we arranged to meet in the same bar in exactly 6 months time. Let's make it happen!!!

Here's me & May the next day:

Speed's birthday was on the 25th, and everything kicked-off on that day! We had something fun to do pretty much every day for about 8 days! Day 1 (Speed's birthday) was great, we went down town and had a sing and a dance!

Day 2: was so fun. We all went to my brother Chris' house for a huge BBQ (you know how Chris does his BBQs—gawd daym!) It was phat. I'm talking "ph" phat. He had a whole salmon and joint of lamb on there, for goodness shakes!

Day 3: After staying the night at Chris', I scurried home on the train, quick as I could. I had to get back to meet Hobday (I hadn't seen him for a year, and he came all the way from Cornwall!). He was still exactly the same! So funny!

Day 4: It was time to say goodbye to my friend Liz :-( We'd been friends since I met her in my first year at uni (she lived in the flat opposite). She's moving to London so we spent the day in the park where we took a boat out on the lake.

We also went for a nice meal in the evening, but I had to rush off to meet my friends from Weekenders (volunteer project) for one last drink with them. I'll miss those dudes!

Day 5: Day off, finally! Pub was meant to be today, but was re-arranged last minute.

Day 6: I was meant to meet my friend Lee!! (the guy I met on the coach!) but I realised that, with all the fun I was having, I had missed a deadline for my PhD, so I stayed in and worked... I'll see him soon!

Day 7 & 8 I spent helping at a "Summer School" project, which was to show young people with Asperger syndrome what university life is really like. It was really fun! We did lots of fun things like bowling, nice meal, shopping, coffee, games etc. And I stayed in Talybont halls of residents for the night! Everyone was sooo nice there. One of the young dudes was a brilliant artist and I asked him to draw me and here's what he did:

What a legend!

And now you are up to date!! I better stop typing before this post is too long to read. Just one last little bombshell: Speed got a job in North Wales so he has to move out... I could either live here with a stranger or move back to Cathays with some friends... I chose Cathays.... I'm moving out on Tuesday :-( I'mma really miss this flat! I'll keep you up to date after I move. Bye!